We won't sleep together?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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