I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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