Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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