I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize