The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
