I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
