Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
