Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
