Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
