Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
