roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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