His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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