Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
