I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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