the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
