An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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