Sry I called you an 8
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
