Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
