If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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