Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
