so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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