my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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