Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
