He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
