btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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