oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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