Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
