Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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