god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
