You can't motorboat a personality
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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