How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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