why didn't you poke me back
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
