As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
