I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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