Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
