I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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