WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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