return my video game
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
