I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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