i think my mom watched the whole time
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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