don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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