I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I love you.
Bad choice
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
