I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize