Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
