I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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