i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
