I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
