Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I know her cup size but not her name....
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
