I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
