You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
