I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
