im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
