Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
