no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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