i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
