i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
