I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize