no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
