They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize