Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think your dad took our porno
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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