in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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