You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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