why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
