she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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