meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
