does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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