Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
