when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
