Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
