I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
