i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
