You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you guys were way drunker than both of me
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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