.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
