can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
