doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
