Small penises have feelings too.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
