Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize