I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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