Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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