the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
