This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
