we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
