hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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