I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
