??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
