i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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