As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
