dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
