dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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