If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
