ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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