I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
