Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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