PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
