Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize