its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
