She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i think i just lost a toe
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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