ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
