Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
