Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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