Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Everything about him screamed your future.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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